Vine Deloria, Jr. in his book "Custer Died For Your Sins" stated that every child should have a Lakota Grandmother because they are the most loving caring and concerned individual in the life of a Lakota Child. The love and protection they give to their grandchildren is the epitomy of what it means when a person states "unconditional love". I was fortunate to have had a Lakota Grandmother, one who spent hours teaching me about proper behavior (most times, sadly to say I didn't follow the ideal).
Her name was Mable Dupris, she was born in 1892 just two years after the Massacre at Wounded Knee. She was the daughter of Poor Buffalo and Grows In A Day who were given the the English names of Mathew and Lucy. Mable's Lakota name was "White Buffalo That Looks Back Woman" she was given this name to remind her and her family of the Lakota traditional belief system that was declared illegal by the policy of the United States Federal Government. This policy was enforced by the Court of Indian Offenses that was in effect until 1934. To practice the traditional ceremonies that the Lakota held sacred could result in being placed in the stockade or food rations for the entire family being with held.
Although as a child she lived through the most difficult time for the Lakota she never lost sight of who she was and how she saw the world. She was a kind and gentle individual who was a true philosopher, in the truest sense of the definition. She explained how I should think about life, how we were connected to the things, people, and the land, around us. She didn't just say these are the beliefs, the values, the traditions, why and how we exist. She helped me understand how I fit into this world and did it in a subtle and wise manner by using the old manner of socializing a Lakota child. She used stories, examples, and long talks about what it meant to be a child who represented our family.
We were taught how to share, to show respect to the older members of our family, to try not to embarrass her in front of our In-Laws, to be quite when people came to visit or when we went with her. We could not run around, be loud, fight, or ask for something to eat. I don't know why she took us when she went to visit. It was more likely she wanted us to either learn proper behavior or she didn't want to leave us to get into trouble while she was away. I remember she would feed us before we left so that "we wouldn't act hungry" but when we arrived and they offered us food we were never to turn our nose up at anything and gladly eat what ever was offered. Some times what we ate was not appetizing but we were expected to finish even when we were so full we would almost burst. This lesson has served me in important times when I had to eat many un-pleasant things as an adult.
One of her most important teachings was not to be stingy. To be generous is one of the foundations of Lakota society. It was taught very early in a child's life and when children showed any form of being generous they were praised, if they showed the opposite they were told that it was very wrong to behave in that manner. I learned this lesson very early. My mother told a story about a time when I was three years old. She said my Uncle Paul brought me a bag of candy and as a good Lakota child I went around and passed the candy out. When I got to him I looked in the bad and there was only one left. I looked at him looked at the candy and then took a bite of it and then gave the rest to him. Of course all the adults gave theirs back so that I could enjoy my treats. This is an example of how early these teachings were instilled in children.
I was blessed with this loving woman who I spent much of my earliest childhood. Each night she told me stories that taught behavior that was expected. She answered all of my childish questions and did so with stories so I would not forget the teachings. Her outlook on life was modeled by her behavior. She wore her hair in braids, sewed dark colored dresses, wore thick stockings and always wore a black scarf when she went anywhere. She baked bread and cooked beans on Monday and as a result all of her grandchildren were very popular because there was always enough to feed all of our friends. My life is rich because of her and I still her voice when I face a dilemma that would bring her shame if I choose the wrong way.
